I’ve been feeling like shit for the past couple of days.
The past week I’ve gotten a break from school, which was appreciated after a week of midterm hell. However, this break also meant that I had a week of doing basically nothing*. Doing nothing sounds like a lot of fun, but indolence always manages to bring out the mental anxiety gnomes that that keep whispering about all the new things I should worry about. And thus I spent all of Reading Week worrying about the future, whether I did well on my midterms, and whether my GPA is total crap or not.
Today, I got one of my midterm marks back. By all objective measures it’s a very good mark and I should be happy. But I can’t help being disappointed because I thought I did better. I just feel so stupid and I keep wondering if maybe I totally screwed up on my other midterms. Maybe I’m not half as intelligent as I think I am. And maybe I should just quit now and find a job where I can come in, do my work as a good automaton, and go home to drown my sorrows in crappy reality teevee.
Sigh. Is this the sucky undergrad version of teenage angst?
*Going to work doesn’t count because it’s been a hell of a lot less taxing than school lately.